What Is Loverboy Method Grooming? What Do I Need To Know?

In the dim recesses of what many consider love lies a more complex and unsettling truth. My encounter with loverboy method grooming exemplifies how easily one can become trapped in a web of deceit disguised as affection. What started as a consensual polyamorous relationship quickly evolved into a situation that spanned international borders, cloaked in love and trust. This man convinced me to meet him in Canada under the pretense of love while I was there for a business trip for an educational seminar, ultimately revealing that his intentions were anything but sincere.

In this article, and in my upcoming e-book, “The Lies My ’Loverboy’ Told Me,” I will explore the critical differences between a healthy relationship and the symptoms of manipulation that emerge, including sextortion, blackmail, and deception. A significant part of my story includes actual text exchanges with my groomer, illuminating how he and his associates constructed a deceptive façade of love while simultaneously fabricating a narrative that they would later weaponize against me.

The threats I endured from my groomer and his so-called “friends” led to years of exploitation, where they sought to publicly discredit and shame me through distorted narratives. This was a punishment for my refusal to remain silent and submit to their demands to perpetuate their lies, an effort to undermine my livelihood and render me unable to pursue legal recourse.

While I share only a selection of these texts, they poignantly illustrate that the reality of our ’relationship’ was neither what I had consented to nor was it accurately presented to others. I believed it to be consensual and polyamorous, but it was, in truth, a calculated deception. It became apparent that their primary objective was to collect evidence ofrecourse.onship they had manufactured—one that they manipulated in private conversations, aiming to vilify me and portray me as unfaithful, despite the truth being otherwise.

This relationship was integral to their larger scheme, exploiting women and mirroring behaviors typical in Manosphere-affiliated groups that perpetuate such abuse. Their methods allowed them to navigate legal boundaries while targeting vulnerable individuals like myself. Many women, myself included, are not preyed upon solely due to naivete; rather, groomers are adept at disguising their predatory actions as romance. The process of grooming unfolds in stages, gradually eroding autonomy while fostering dependency and confusion.

My experience spanned many painful years, characterized by cyberstalking to keep me feeling watched, coercion, blackmail, sextortion, destruction of my multiple award-winning career, and intimidation into silence, all under threats of public exposure for actions that were, in every instance, heavily misrepresented and edited. Out of fear and a desire to protect my family and my career, I complied.

Ultimately, my forced silence became irrelevant when they destroyed everything anyway. The lack of law enforcement assistance and their apparent negligence in investigating my claims, despite substantial evidence, compelled me to share my story publicly. As I navigate this painful chapter of my life, I aim to illuminate the intricacies of loverboy grooming and clarify the stark differences between manipulative relationships and healthy ones.

My hope is that by recounting my experience, I can inform others—particularly fellow survivors—about the signs of grooming, the subtleties of coercive control, and the tactics of those who exploit love for their benefit. Through greater awareness of these dynamics, we can empower ourselves and each other to reclaim our narratives and recognize the true essence of a loving relationship.

Understanding Lover Boy Grooming &

Protecting Yourself from Exploitation and Trafficking

Loverboy grooming, also known as Romeo or boyfriend pimping, is a deeply manipulative technique used by sextortionists, exploiters, and traffickers who present themselves as potential romantic partners, often even becoming boyfriends, to gain the trust and dependency of their victims. This method is intricately designed to recruit and exploit individuals under the false pretense of a genuine romantic relationship while masking its true, predatory nature.

The approach relies heavily on emotional manipulation and psychological control, frequently coupled with severe punishments for those who resist or fail to comply. I experienced this firsthand at the hands of my trafficker and his "friends," who were willing to commit crimes on his behalf, known as proxy abuse.

For many years, my safety was assured only as long as I remained subservient to his on-call sexual demands. This arrangement was deeply distressing, and I struggled immensely, particularly during the 'punishment' phases when I prioritized my multiple award-winning business and career over his demands and the coercive pressures from his associates. I often believed that reaching out for help from others or law enforcement would lead to protection, but the reality of my situation was far more complex.

The repercussions of falling victim to such grooming can be profoundly damaging, as the perpetrator systematically dismantles the victim's sense of self and autonomy. This destructive process can lead to chronic dissociation, influencing nearly every aspect of the victim’s life—including their careers and interpersonal relationships—sometimes intentionally orchestrated by the abuser to maintain control. Ultimately, the long-lasting effects of loverboy grooming extend well beyond the immediate circumstances, significantly impacting the victim's future relationships, mental health, and overall well-being.

To better understand this insidious practice, it is crucial to examine the stages and techniques involved in loverboy grooming in detail:

Targeting the Victim: Traffickers carefully select their victims based on vulnerability. These vulnerabilities can arise from a multitude of factors, including:

• Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with poor self-image may be more susceptible to flattery and attention.
• Financial Hardships: Those struggling economically might be lured by promises of financial stability.
• Family Issues: Victims with strained family relationships or those lacking a support system are often targeted.
• Previous Abuse: Traffickers may prey on individuals with a history of abuse, knowing they might be more easily manipulated.

Traffickers often scout locations where vulnerable individuals might be found, such as schools, malls, social media platforms, support groups, and even foster care systems. Once a target is identified, the trafficker initiates contact and begins to build a relationship. This phase involves:

• Love Bombing: The trafficker uses excessive flattery, attention, gifts, and promises of a better life to quickly establish trust and affection.
• Emotional Support: Traffickers present themselves as understanding and compassionate listeners, often seeming to fulfill emotional needs that the victim has not met.
• Creating Dependence: By addressing the victim’s emotional and sometimes financial needs, the trafficker fosters a sense of dependency. This might include providing money, a place to live, or simply being available for emotional reassurance.

At this stage, the victim begins to genuinely believe they are in a loving and caring relationship. With trust established, the trafficker works to deepen the emotional attachment while simultaneously isolating the victim from their existing support network. This includes:

• Discouraging Outside Relationships: Traffickers may subtly or overtly encourage the victim to cut ties with friends and family, often by creating conflicts, claiming others are jealous, or suggesting that they are the only one who truly understands or cares for the victim.
• Increasing Dependency: The trafficker often creates scenarios where the victim becomes reliant on them for emotional, financial, or social support.
• Manipulation and Coercion: After establishing control, the trafficker begins to manipulate the victim into exploitative activities.

Initially, this might be subtle, with the trafficker rationalizing the demands with seemingly logical reasons. This phase includes:

• Introducing Subtle Demands: Requests might start small, such as asking the victim to take on a second job “for their future together” or to pose for private photos.
• Shifting Boundaries: Gradually, the trafficker pushes the victim into more compromising and exploitative situations, often using a combination of guilt, love, and threats to ensure compliance.
• Normalization of Exploitation: The trafficker may normalize the exploitation, presenting it as temporary or as a necessary step for their future or survival.

Once the trafficker has significant control over the victim, they escalate the demands and fully exploit the individual. This may involve:

• Sexual Exploitation: Forcing the victim into prostitution, pornography, or other forms of sexual exploitation.
• Labor Exploitation: Forcing the victim to work under abusive conditions, often with little to no pay.
• Trafficking: Moving the victim across different locations to undermine their sense of stability and increase dependency.

To maintain control and prevent escape, traffickers use a combination of psychological, emotional, and physical tactics:

• Threats and Violence: Using physical violence or threats thereof, not just against the victim but also against their loved ones.
• Emotional Abuse: Continuously manipulating the victim’s emotions, oscillating between affection and cruelty, known as “trauma bonding.”
• Isolation: Keeping the victim away from anyone who might offer help or solace, extending to controlling their movements, communications, and social interactions.

Recognizing the signs of grooming can help prevent this exploitation and protect potential victims. Here are the potential signs to watch for:

• Isolation from Friends and Family: Victims may withdraw from social circles or cut off communication with long-standing friends and family at the behest of the groomer, who often seeks to isolate the victim to exert greater control.
• Changes in Style or Dress: The victim may start dressing or behaving in ways that are uncharacteristic, often reflecting the preferences of the groomer.
• Mood Swings: There may be noticeable fluctuations in mood, ranging from elation (due to attention and affection from the groomer) to depression and anxiety (due to the pressure and control exerted).
• Receiving Expensive Items: The victim might suddenly have new, high-end clothing, electronics, or jewelry without a clear explanation of how they obtained them.
• Money and Financial Support: The victim may suddenly have extra cash or be financially supported in ways that are inconsistent with their previous situation.
• Private Conversations: The victim might become secretive about their communications, frequently having private phone calls or hiding their online activity.
• Defensiveness: When questioned about their new relationships or possessions, the victim may become unusually defensive or evasive.
• Skipping School or Work: Consistent absences from school, work, or other regular activities without plausible reasons. The victim might start taking unexplained trips or being away from home for extended periods.
• Older Friends or Romantic Partners: The victim may start spending significant time with a new group of friends or a romantic partner who is significantly older, often without a clear explanation of how they met or the nature of these relationships.
• Increased Online Activity: Frequent, often secretive, use of social media or new accounts on various platforms.
• New Contacts and Followers: The victim may have an influx of new contacts, often interacting with them in private messages.

Signs of Coercion or Control

• Controlled Communication: The groomer may tightly control who the victim is allowed to talk to, often intercepting messages or screening phone calls.
• Monitoring and Surveillance: Increased monitoring of the victim’s movements and interactions by the groomer.
• Physical Harm: Unexplained bruises, injuries, or signs of physical abuse might indicate coercion and violence.
• Neglect of Health: The victim might begin to neglect their physical health, showing signs of poor hygiene, weight loss, or other health issues.
• Inappropriate Sexual Knowledge: Possessing knowledge or behaviors that are inappropriate for their age might suggest exposure to sexual exploitation.
• Discussion of Sexual Activities: Talking about engaging in or being forced into sexual activities, especially if this is new or out of character.
• Expressing Fear or Anxiety Related to a Relationship: The victim may display fear or anxiety, particularly around certain individuals or when discussing certain topics.
• Reluctance to Discuss Relationships: An unwillingness or discomfort in discussing their new relationships or activities may indicate something is wrong.

The Importance of Saving Evidence

When dealing with situations involving harassment, abuse, or any form of misconduct, saving evidence is crucial. Preserving evidence can aid in bringing perpetrators to justice, protecting victims, and ensuring that appropriate actions are taken by authorities. Here are key points highlighting the importance of saving evidence:

• Legal and Judicial Proceedings: Evidence is fundamental in legal proceedings. Whether you're filing a police report, seeking a restraining order, or pursuing criminal charges, having concrete evidence strengthens your case.
• Proof of Claims: Courts rely heavily on documented proof rather than anecdotal accounts. Physical evidence, documented communications, and recorded incidents provide undeniable proof of misconduct.
• Protection and Safety: Evidence can help identify patterns of behavior, demonstrating the severity and frequency of incidents. This is particularly important in cases of ongoing harassment or abuse.
• Obtaining Support Services: When approaching support services like shelters, counseling, or legal aid, having evidence can validate the urgency and severity of your situation, ensuring you get the help you need.
• Personal Empowerment and Validation: Keeping evidence can help validate your experiences and affirm that what you are going through is real and serious. This can be empowering for victims who may doubt or minimize their own experiences.
• Creating a Record: It establishes a record that can be used to protect your interests in the future, especially if the situation escalates or if the perpetrator continues their behavior.
• Supporting Investigations: Providing comprehensive evidence to authorities can aid investigations, helping law enforcement officials to build a thorough case against the perpetrator.
• Ensuring Accountability: Evidence helps hold perpetrators accountable for their actions, potentially preventing them from harming others in the future.

Types of Evidence to Save

• Text Messages and Emails: Save any abusive, threatening, or inappropriate messages. Take screenshots if necessary and store these securely.
• Social Media Interactions: Document any harassment or inappropriate behavior on social media platforms, including direct messages, comments, and posts.
• Call Logs and Voicemails: Keep records of calls and save any voicemails that contain threats or harassing content.
• Photos and Videos: Take photos or videos of any physical injuries, damage to property, or incidents of harassment. Ensure these are time-stamped if possible.
• Items and Objects: Preserve any physical items that are related to the incident, such as gifts, letters, or anonymous notes.
• Documentation and Notes: Keep a detailed diary of incidents as they occur, including dates, times, locations, and descriptions of what happened. This helps create a timeline of events.
• Witness Statements: If there are witnesses to any incidents, ask them to write down their account as soon as possible while the details are still fresh in their memory.
• Medical Records: After any physical abuse, seek medical attention and ensure the injuries are documented in your medical records.
• Psychological Impact: Document any psychological effects or emotional distress caused by the incidents through therapy notes or psychological evaluations.

Safeguarding Your Evidence

• Secure Storage: Store digital evidence in multiple secure locations. Use password-protected files or cloud storage services with strong security measures.
• Physical Copies: Make physical copies of important documents and store them in a secure place, such as a safe or with a trusted friend or family member.
• Discrete Documentation: Be mindful of how you document and store evidence to ensure it cannot be easily discovered by the perpetrator. Use secure and discrete methods to keep your evidence confidential.
• Seeking Help Safely: When seeking help or sharing your evidence, do so in a safe environment where the perpetrator is not aware of your actions.

Taking Action

Ensuring you have proper evidence is crucial when dealing with harassment, abuse, or misconduct. Saving the right types of evidence can strengthen your case, support your claims, and potentially provide critical information for legal proceedings. Here are the key types of evidence to save:

• Written Records: Maintain a detailed log of all incidents, including dates, times, locations, and a description of what occurred. Having a chronological record can be invaluable.
• Messages and Emails: Save any written communication that is relevant to the incidents, including text messages, emails, social media messages, and handwritten notes.
• Photos and Videos: Take photos or videos of any physical evidence related to the incidents, such as injuries, property damage, or the scene of the incident. Ensure that the date and time stamp are enabled.
• Digital Records: Capture and save screenshots of online harassment, cyberbullying, or any digital communication that is threatening or abusive. Screenshots can serve as concrete evidence.
• Tracking Metadata: Preserve any metadata associated with digital evidence, such as IP addresses, timestamps, and geolocation data. This can help verify the authenticity of the evidence.
• Witness Accounts: Obtain written or recorded statements from witnesses who observed or have knowledge of the incidents. Witness testimonies can corroborate your account and strengthen your case.
• Contact Information: Collect contact information from witnesses to ensure they can be reached if their statement is needed for legal proceedings.
• Physical Evidence: Preserve any physical objects or documents that are relevant to the incidents, such as notes, letters, gifts, or any items that may have been used in the harassment or abuse.
• Medical Records: If you have experienced physical harm as a result of the incidents, keep copies of medical reports, records, bills, and any documentation related to your injuries. This evidence can support claims of harm or trauma.
• Expert Opinions: Seek professional assessments or opinions from experts such as therapists, counselors, or forensic specialists. Their assessments can provide valuable insights and expert testimony if needed.
• Official Reports: If you have involved law enforcement, keep copies of official police reports, incident numbers, and any documentation provided by the authorities. These reports can be critical for legal proceedings.
• Correspondence: Save any official correspondence related to the incidents, such as letters from employers, organizations, or legal entities. These documents can provide additional context and support your claims.

Lover Boy Grooming is a manipulative and dangerous form of exploitation that can happen to anyone. Everyone should understand the dangers associated with communicating on platforms designed for evidence destruction, like those that have "disappearing" messages. By understanding the warning signs and taking proactive measures to document and report suspicious behavior, you can protect yourself and others from becoming victims. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources and people ready to help you reclaim your safety and independence.

*The Fine Print, Trigger Warnings, & Disclaimers